Update on Burglary

Went to court this morning on the burglary at the funeral home. Our miscreant shuffled into the old jail wearing a bright orange jump suit, leg irons, belly chain and handcuffs. He's been incarcerated in the regional jail since the night we interrupted his activities at the funeral home. However my partner's wife was having labor pains, so he had to rush her to the hospital. Turns out that it was false labor pains. So our midnight prowler gets to spend another month in jail waiting for his day in court (no bond). The title of this post will take you to a local newspaper account of that night. It does contain a couple of errors however. It was a .30-30 round he had in the rifle not a .30-06 and he did make it outside before running back in to hide.

Traffic Stop

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding

and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended
when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this
vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of
it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove
box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after
I shot and killed the woman who owns this car
and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called
his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by
police, and the captain approached the driver
to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.


Captain: Could you slowly open your glove
box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.


Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove
box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk?
I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer
who stopped you said you told him you didn't
have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the
glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the
trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding,
too.