I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend. (J.R.R.Tolkien, The Two Towers)

When I carry a gun, I don't do so because I am looking for a fight, but because I'm looking to be left alone. The gun at my side means that I cannot be forced, only persuaded. I don't carry it because I'm afraid, but because it enables me to be unafraid. It doesn't limit the actions of those who would interact with me through reason, only the actions of those who would do so by force.

Marko Kloos "Why the Gun is Civilization"

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Scaredylocks and the Three Bears


Not one, not two, but three…count them THREE BLACK BEARS standing in the road looking at me. One just looking, another woofing, and the third popping its teeth. For those of you who don’t know me, I have an irrational phobia of Ursus Americanus AKA Black Bear. And I don’t want to hear any comments about how they are probably more afraid of me than I am of them or how you’re 10 times more likely to be struck by lightning on a Tuesday morning while wearing pink undies than you are of being attacked by a bear. I said it’s an irrational fear.

I had decided to walk an old logging road through one of my favorite hunting spots and look for fresh deer sign. Just as I was ready to park and begin my walk I spotted the first bear in the middle of a large mud hole in the middle of the logging road. Next thing I know, here comes the other two prancing out of the bushes just like they own the whole damn road. Just sitting in the truck while eyeballing those three had me gibbering like an idiot. Fortunately for them, they decided to run off right then. Naturally they ran off down the way I wanted to go. Well let me tell you one thing…there ain’t no way in hell I’m going walking past where I last saw those three critters. So I turned around and went home.

The bear in the picture is about the same size as the three I saw.

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9 Comments:

At 10:51 PM, Blogger madcapmum said...

Hey there, Whats-yer-Name,

Love your blog title tonight! I grew up in the country, and we had bears. Darn things are so unpredictable - one day they might run away, and the next they've been fasting from sugar and they'd just as soon attack. I still figure the best kind of bear is the kind you can't see clearly without binoculars.

 
At 6:54 AM, Blogger H. Stallard said...

UNPREDICTABLE !!!

Uh…thanks a lot, that’s all I needed to know now. And just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water..er..woods!

 
At 8:41 AM, Blogger the Contrary Goddess said...

Hey Harold, Madcap's up there where they have mean bears. Not our black bears. I mean, I'm still not shooting on with birdshot (the way the game warden said to) but still. After dealing with a damn hormone mad cow . . .

And you know, there are no coincidences. Your chance has been presented to you to grow as a human being.

And you know, we live in a bear preserve don't you?

hahahaha!

 
At 5:01 PM, Blogger Eleutheros said...

Ooooo! Black bears, cursed varmints! Two years running I lost every single beehive to the miserable things. Since there's been an attack pig next to the hives, I haven't lost any more. But the next time they come around, I'm having bear steaks and it doesn't matter if I'm armed at the time or not. Knife, rock, hoe, or mano a snout. It's all the same to me.

I've instructed the rest of the family that when they hear the yells and growls, don't shoot in amongst us, not that much to distinguish the two of us.

 
At 6:54 PM, Blogger madcapmum said...

Honey-fed bear might not be so bad. I should ask my Cree friend.

If you're armed or not?

I've been a little curious about that. When and when aren't you armed?

 
At 9:27 PM, Blogger Eleutheros said...

Armed? Rarely any more. The more's the pity sometimes, as the pot has been bare a few times because I stood there dumbly as a deer or brace of grouse wandered off. This is really a very safe place to live. But I can smell danger and when I do, I make sure I am horribly beweaponed. And I don't fear to take on man or beast even if I only have my garden shovel. But then again I am a master of the ancient art of Shovel-jitsu.

 
At 9:47 PM, Blogger Eleutheros said...

"Now a cop went out hunting
It was on one Sunday morn
Of course was against policy
But he took his gun along
He shot himself a couple of quail
Just one little measly pair
And on his way returning home
He met a great big grizzly bear.

Now the bear, he stood
In the middle of the road
And he stared at that cop, you see
The cop got so exicted
He climbed up a 'simmon tree.
The bear sat down
In the middle of the road
And the cop climed out on a limb.
He lifted his eyes
To the Lord in the skies
And these words he said to Him:

"Oh, Lord, didn't you save
Daniel from the lion's den
Also delivered Jonah from
The belly of the whale and then
Three Hebrew children
From the fiery furnace
So the Good Book do declare.
So, Lord, if you can't help me
Goodness sakes don't you
Help that bear!"

Now the cop he sat up in that tree
I think it was all night
He said, "Lord,
If you help that bear
You're going to see one awful sight!"
Just about then the limb let go
And the cop came tumbling down.
Should have seen him
Get his pocket knife out
Before he hit the ground.

Yeah, he hit the ground
Cutting left and right.
It's true he put up a good fight.
But the bear held onto the cop
Held on with all his might
The cop let go with that pocket knife
But the bear held on with a vim
He lifted his eyes
To the Lord in the skies
And these words he said to Him:

"Oh, Lord, didn't you save
Daniel from the lion's den
Also delivered Jonah from
The belly of the whale and then
Three Hebrew children
From the fiery furnace
So the Good Book do declare.
So, Lord, if you can't help me
Goodness sakes don't you
Help that bear!"


Least wise that's the way I heard it.

 
At 10:29 PM, Blogger H. Stallard said...

But the bear held on with a vim
And the bear lifted his eyes
To the lord in the skies
And these words he said to Him:

Oh, Lord, didn't you save
Daniel from the lion's den
Also delivered Jonah from
The belly of the whale and then
Three Hebrew children
From the fiery furnace
So the Good Book do say to me.
So, Lord, I give thanks for
The tasty meal you supplied from the tree.

 
At 9:36 AM, Blogger Sarah Elaine said...

"Irrational phobia" of bears? There's no such thing as far as I'm concerned! Every year, there's news stories about how someone gets their face ripped off by a bear and still... people continue to believe it can't happen to them. Coming face to face with three of them is definitely motivation to find another route!

 

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